Happy Holidays

Hi everyone! Happy Holidays. Sam and Austin bought me a new toy for Christmas: Cat Attack - Remote Control Cat Exerciser Cat Toy.

That is a misnomer. He should be called Mr. Agrogg - Motorized Demonic Anglerfish Cat Tormentor.

At first, Mr. Agrogg is quite alluring as he lazilly swings his antenna around and around in a random fashion. I get curious about the fluffy green grape dancing at its end, so I approach and paw.

Then, Mr. Agrogg springs his trap and unleashes an ear-piercing scream that sounds like a really, really, really loud electric can opener. He scampers around wildly in circles, blindly bumping around the room drunk with rage.

His primal war cry ceases only when he stops chasing me. Resuming his earlier quiet repose, Mr. Agrogg serenely casts his lure about. I escape phsycially intact, but the damage is done, he has scared the poo out of me.

Chillin' Out

In the kitchen, near my food bowl, there is this big white box with a door on it. I see Austin and Sam opening and shutting it all day long. Naturally, as a cat, I became curious and decided to investigate.

While Austin was removing some items from within the contraption, I leapt at the opportunity and made my way inside. It was cool! Get it? AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When the door was open, the "fridge" was essentially a cold room that stores ketchup, eggs, water and Schuman Farms Head of Lettuce. But, when Austin closed the door, there was a building or something with flames coming out of it, and there were creatures writhing around, and they were growling and snarling. And there were flames, and I heard a voice say "Zuul"! It was right there.

Model Kitty

This afternoon, our friend Courtney came over to take some photos for Sam's bespoke clothes company. Because I am so irresistably cute, Courtney snapped some pictures of me as well. Who can blame her?

As you can see, i make the photographer's job pretty easy: get my face in the frame and then snap the picture. I would actually go and audtion for America's Next Top Model, but Tyra Banks is so annoying, she makes me want to claw my kitty ears off.

Working with inferior talent.

My Sam's breath smells like Sam food.

All photos are the copyrighted works of Lens CAP Productions. They will sue your pants off if you steal them. And, I will claw you.

Baby Pix

I found some pictures of myself that were taken on the first day I arrived at Sam's and Austin's apartment. Enjoy!

I'm so cute, it hurts.

I'm so cute, it hurts.

Torture

This morning, Samantha brought me into the bathroom. At first, I thought she was going to go poop or something and just wanted company. But, then she started running the bathtub... and, her t-shirt and bathing suit bottom outfit suddenly made more sense.

 

I got a good shampooing for what seemed like hours. I kept trying to jump out of the tub and run away. Of course, the door was closed so, even if I had managed to leap out of the bathtub, I was totally screwed. I finally resigned myself to my fate and just sucked it up.

 

While I was shivering, Austin came in with an ear-to-ear grin. He jammed his camera phone into my face and snapped the following pictures. Sam finally took me out and dried me off with a towel and blow dryer.

Austin's crappy camera phone capturing the moment.

Damn you all.

Weekend Away

I'm back at home after a fun weekend at the grandparents'. Overall it was pretty stressful vacation. I had a lot of exploring to do, not to mention some intense relaxing to take care of. Here are some additonal photos of my weekend:

Hanging out under a barstool.

Hanging out on an ugly couch.

Hanging out on Sam's lap.

As you can see, being a kitty is not easy. It takes hard work and dedication. I'll be going back to my grandparents' place again in a few weeks.

Visiting the Grandparents

Today, I went on a fun car ride out to the 'burbs. Sam and Austin took me to some old people's house. I think they're Austin's parents. Austin's mom is really loud and talks a lot. His dad is pretty quiet; the only thing he's said so far is, "Hello." Apparently, we're going to be here for a few days.

Hanging out at the grandparent's is pretty fun. His mom is, like, always in my face, telling me I have a flat face.

Is grandma playing with me...	Or, am I playing with grandma?

Afterwards, I got to eat some apple pie. I was enjoying it until Sam told me I couldn't eat anymore and shooed me away. If I end up vomitting or diarrhea-ing all over the place, it's because I didn't eat enough pie.

I'm eating my apple pie!	Sam's eating my apple pie.

I'm looking forward to a fun weekend at my grandparents' house... and to some more apple pie.

Eating Doof!

My favorite activity has got to be eating doof. Doof is food spelled backwards. It's pretty much the same thing as food, except for the spelling.

I have dry doof and wet doof. I also have a water bowl to drink water (keep in mind, it's water not retaw).

Because I can only lick at my doof with an upward swinging motion of my tongue, I inevitably spray food outwards, away from my face and onto my placemat. This is inefficient, for doof provides the most nourishment for my kitty body when it is directed down my throat, into my stomach, throughout my digestive system, out my butt mostly into the litter box, but also, partially clinging to my long butt hair as dried poopnugs.

To illustrate this point, I've provided some photos of my eating area after I've lapped up a meal:

Did i do that?



Deal with that, Austin!

Milktooth Fairy

I was eating my dry cat food the other day when I looked down and noticed that one of my teeth fell out into my bowl. Great. The veterinarian removes my testicles and now my teeth are falling out of my skull.

At first, I was a little concerned. But, then I looked online and saw that it was normal for kittens my age to lose their teeth. They're called milkteeth. Here's a picture I took:

That's the dime i got from the milktooth fairy.

Convalescing

I'm back from the vet's office and I've spent the past few days lounging around and recovering from my surgery. I feel okay, but I'm definitely not at 100% yet. I can't jump up onto the couch or tables like I did before. I have to wait around for Sam or Austin to bring me onto the bed at night.

I am humiliated. I not only get my virility snipped away, but also, get my stomach shaved so it's a lot harder to hide my flabbiness. Vets suck. As you can see in this close up photo, I've developed kind of a belly.

I haven't been able to work out much lately because of the operation, plus, I have too much sleep to get.

Recovering at home

A deflated balloon or my stomach?

Something Missing

This morning, Sam took me on a car ride. Then, she abandoned me at the vet's office.

They cut my balls off.

Apparently, one of my testicles never descended and the vet had to perform some more invasive surgery.

I'm half the kitty I used to be.

Lots of Friends Today!

I had a very exciting evening! A bunch of new people came over to visit. Apparently, my parents have friends. I got to know the guests by sniffing their feet and hands. I explored their footwear as well by jamming my entire head into their discarded shoes.

While it was nice to have guests over, I was displaced from my favorite chair. And, I kept getting shooed off of the table. So, I just lounged around on the window sill and pretended to sleep while some girl was taking my picture with her phone.

I hope to see my new friends again, soon!

Toliet Bowl

I jumped up onto the toilet today, but the seat was up. I slipped and fell into the toilet. Sam was laughing her ass off at me. She didn't towel me off or anything. She was just laughing.

I licked my hindlegs clean.

Exploring New Territories

Today, I jumped up onto the bathroom sink. I explored the entire counter top, sniffing at toothbrushes, toothpaste, moisturizer dispensers and soap. Before he left for work, Austin turned the faucet on and I watched the water come out for a good six or seven minutes.

It was awesome!

I Just Pooped

I just took a nice relaxing dump into my litter box. Afterwards, I heard Sam freaking out about my poop getting onto the white bath mat or something. LOLOLOLOL... Ahh, that stinks! Get it!? LOLOLOLOL.

Hey, I have a hairy ass. I get dangle-berries. Sometimes, they are so ripe they fall wherever they may. Othertimes, they dry out like raisins and cling to my butt.

Sam Just Pooped

Sam is going poop right now. It smells like ass.

Hump Day

It's Hump Day. Just one more weekday of being completely carefree before I make it to the weekend where I do more of the same.

Last night, as I do every night, I buried my face into Sam's hair and started pawing at her head. She hid her head under the covers, so I turned to Austin's hair and did the same. Sam's hair is better because it is nice and long and feels like a bird's nest. Austin's hair has an odd seafood-like smell, somewhat like steamed mussels, but he doesn't hide under the covers.

After a solid 20 minutes of this, I turned around and dozed off.

This morning, I woke up Austin by jumping all over his legs, which were under the covers. He's almost as lazy as I am.

Feeding Time

It's 10:41 pm. My parents are finally home to feed me. WTF? I'm hungry as shit.

Yesterday, someone left a piece of Whole Foods roast chicken in my bowl. I smelled it but, I didn't eat it.

I'm going to go eat and then wash up by licking my paws and rubbing them on face. I feel that is very effective.

First Post

I decided to put up a blog. I hope you will enjoy it.

Today, I just chilled out pretty much. I explored the shoe closet a little bit and made it behind the shoe rack. Then, while walking across some chairs, my foot went in between two of the chairs and I landed on my face. It hurt. Austin laughed at me. That makes me angry.

Lately, I've been having some issues landing after jumping. My face has been taking the worst of it.